Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

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Make an agreement through mediation

You can use a mediator to help you and your ex-partner agree on child arrangements without going to court.

A mediator is a professional who will work with you to help you make decisions based on your child’s best interests. They listen to both sides and take a neutral approach.

If it’s suitable, a mediator can talk to your child about what they want. This is called ‘child-inclusive mediation’.

You can attend sessions in person or remotely (for example by video or phone). You do not have to be in the same room or call as your ex-partner.

Mediation is not relationship counselling.

You need to use an accredited mediator. Find a local mediator on the Family Mediation Council website.

How much mediation costs

Mediation is usually cheaper and quicker than going to court.

The price of mediation varies depending on:

  • the type of mediation
  • where you live  
  • how many sessions you go to

You can usually get up to £500 towards the cost of mediation through the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme. A mediator can help you apply for this.

You might also be able to get legal aid for mediation if you’re on a low income.

What mediation can help with

Mediation can help you and your ex-partner agree on the details of how you’ll look after your child, such as:

  • where they live
  • when they spend time with each parent
  • when and what other types of contact take place (for example, phone calls) 
  • how to cover your child’s living costs (for example, housing and day to day care)

Before you start mediation

You need to go to an initial meeting with the mediator. This is sometimes called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

At this meeting, the mediator will give you advice about the mediation process, discuss your situation and help you to decide if mediation is right for you.

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve attended a MIAM before you apply.

You will not have to go to a MIAM in some circumstances, for example if there’s been domestic abuse.

You need to use an accredited mediator. Find a local mediator on the Family Mediation Council website.

What happens next

If you reach an agreement, you’ll get a document at the end of mediation showing what you and the other person have agreed. You do not need to do anything else.

If you want to make your agreement legally binding, you should hire a solicitor. They’ll draft a consent order. You can then apply to court to ask a judge or magistrate to review and confirm the order.

If the mediator thinks that mediation is not right for you, they might advise you to go to court instead.

If you need more help agreeing

You can get help with preparing to make arrangements and reaching an agreement.

You can also:

  1. Step 1 Get support and advice

    You can get support or counselling to help you through the divorce process.

    1. Get support and advice from Relate
    2. Find a counsellor on Counselling Directory
  2. Step 2 Check if you can get divorced

  3. Step 3 Make arrangements for children, money and property

  4. Step 4 Apply for a divorce

  5. Step 5 Apply for a ‘conditional order’ or ‘decree nisi’

  6. Step 6 Finalise your divorce

  7. Step 7 Report that your circumstances have changed

    You also have to tell other government organisations that you're getting divorced if: